Chronically Unnormal

Chronically Unnormal

Hi I'm Natalie, I have a fine collection of invisible disabilities and a chronic pain condition. Please excuse my writing, I’m dyslexic and my pain makes concentrating extremely difficult.


I was a big baby, really long, so long in fact that I was twisted up like a pretzel unable to move. My mum didn't feel any kicks as I was well an truly stuck. After I was born I reverted back to my pretzel shape as if nothing major had happened. I was extremely clumsy and I had asthma that caused me to bark like an angry seal. But I did live in Runcorn at the time so maybe the regular chlorine leaks and seal impressions might have been linked.

The first time I realised I find reading and writing difficult was at primary school. I don't have a great memory but this one is as clear as day. I was in first year sitting at the front desk with the teacher and a book about witches being placed in front of me. I knew what the words in the book said but I couldn’t say them out loud. I struggled on until the book was taken off me and replaced by a book about Chip and Biff. I was quietly very upset, I had understood the meaning of the sentences, why couldn't I read them out loud like I'd heard the other children.

Now I know that I’m dyslexic but my teachers just thought I was wasn't very bright. I was quiet and well behaved at school so the teachers just ignored me. I didn't receive any support, they didn't even realise or care about how much I was struggling. I remember many times being completely terrified as the class was told to write a story. I find creative writing impossible, I would sit staring desperately at the blank page hoping an idea, any idea for a story would spring onto it. You would think spending 30 minutes staring at a blank page would alert the teacher to the fact there maybe a problem but no. My parents didn't know, they weren't told, the teachers pretty much told them not to expect a lot from me.

Years later one of my teachers attempted to offer congratulations for my (unexpectedly high) SATs results to my mum. She didn't get the response she expected instead she got "No thanks to you". Rant over...

I always the tallest in my class, up until I was 7 years old this had only caused problems for my poor mother who had to constantly buy new clothes for her incredible stretching child but it was now causing problems for my bones. Both of my knees dislocated though the right one was worse off. The doctors told my parents that I was growing too fast for my joints to keep up. I only remember two things, seeing the x-rays at the hospital and being on my crutches hobbling as fast as I could to try and catch up with the rest of my class. I do find it odd looking back at my GP didn't think to follow up on why my joint were so rubbish. I know now that it happened due to my hypermobility but back then the doctors were completely fine with accepting both of child's knees dislocating.

Sometime passed until the next incident, my knees caught up with the rest of me and I still barked like a seal but that couldn’t be helped. I've never looked my age, so I can excuse a stressed dinner lady sending me out of the school gates to collect a wayward action figure. Unluckily after retrieving said escapee, a ‘helpful’ child closed the gates on my fingers. The bones were crushed, not broken, another sign of hypermobility. Actually it was also another sign of how little the teachers paid attention to a quiet, well behaved child. My bones in my fingers were crushed at lunch time, they didn't ring my parents, they made me wait until school finished then told my mum what happened when she came to pick me up. My mum was so angry but she didn't have time to shout at the staff as she had to rush me to the hospital.

Doors and children don’t mix; never mind those children prone to accidents. I was constantly trapping my fingers in doors but the worst one was a finger-car door sandwich which was held together by a child lock.

I'm unbelievably clumsy I know but it’s only partially my fault. I don't just have Hypermobility syndrome (http://hypermobility.org/help-advice/) I also have dyspraxia  (https://dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/about-dyspraxia/). All my joints are hypermobile, which is always impressive at parties but also means I’m not in complete control of my limbs. Hypermobility is due to the body producing cartilage which is too flexible. Dyspraxia affects my motor skills, so adding them both together leaves me with super clumsiness (My super power, I need a costume).

I was constantly falling over, often a simple trip would leave me with a broken bone. I'm always black and blue, another symptom of hypermobility is easily bruising. My mum always worried when I was a child that social services would take me away.

One year I spent summer locked inside due to the asthma/barking, I broke my right foot by falling off a pair of platform flip-flops and spent months seeing a physio because I'd damaged my ligaments and tendons in my ankles.

Primary school continued in such a fashion. I was very thankful to leave it behind.