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Chronically Unnormal: 21 and stuck

Chronically Unnormal: 21 and stuck

I’m a ghost, that’s what it’s like I’ve decided. Life changes around me, I’m left standing still. I enjoy being alone and I’m content with my own company. I can solve the world’s problems in my head. I am happy that isn’t a lie but how long can I truly go on like this? I’m lonely I think, I must finally be getting on my own nerves (oh the irony). At the moment I have my studies but I have 2 years left, then what? I don’t know. Stuck that’s the word. I am stuck. It’s like being back in primary school with a blank page in front of me after being told to write a story.

Every time I wasn’t in school I missed something, friends made new friends while others drifted apart, it never made any sense to me but then again I’ve known my two closest friends nearly all my life. When I turned up the first day of college everything was different and I was in so much pain that all my energy was taken up trying to cope with just being there and keeping my happy face on, never mind getting to know new people and catching up others or dealing with someone treating me like dirt. I became quiet which definitely isn’t me. I made the decision to quit collage in a heartbeat, it wasn’t really a decision I just couldn’t carry on, but I was devastated. I felt like I’d failed even though that’s stupid but I’d never given up before. I found the OU very soon after which I’m very thankful for. I love studying biology. This degree is hard work and a struggle most of the time but I don’t know what I would have done without it.

I’ve just had the official that’s it from the health service. There’s nothing left to do - we’ve tried everything and the maybe one day there will be a treatment that will help. They offer me pain management which is funny because didn’t the pain management team tell me there wasn’t anything they could offer? But I’ll go - like I always do to see if they’ve come up with anything new.

I started this story on a much lighter note and I’m cringing about what I’ve written in the last couple of chapters but there was no point writing any of it if I was going to pretend. I really don’t like to moan and even though I’m stuck I don’t want to be anyone else. Past all the pain this ending is true…

Once upon a time there was a girl named Natalie, if anything could be said about her it was that she definitely wasn’t normal and she was happy with that.



I want to say thank you to my mum even though she’ll say there’s nothing to say thank you for. She has always pushed to get me seen by the right people. If it hadn’t been for her I still probably have any clue what’s wrong with me. She’s always there for me. Thank you to my dad for trying (badly) to make me laugh even though he’s a wuss and nearly passed out when I had the injection for the bone scan.

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